How do we go on after loosing our siblings in a tragic crash???
Larry use to try to console me when I was feeling down because I missed my sister Sue so much. I use to tell him, "you don't know how I feel, you've never lost a sibling to a drunk driver". How I wish those words spoken would have never rang true for Larry. Sue was taken to Heaven all too soon July 19, 1978, and Larry's youngest brother Leslie was taken to Heaven all too soon on June 23, 2001.
For me, it's really been a struggle to try to pick up the piece's of life, when one very important part of my life was now gone. I often have day's where I wish my sister was still here, and I continue to miss her so much. I have days also, where I think of Sue all day, and just cry the entire day. I think of Sue everyday, and I have since the day she went to Heaven. I honestly don't see how my parents have managed to go on with their lives, I just don't think I could ever be strong enough to do so if I would ever loose my precious son. I worry everyday, I don't want to loose Larry, Billy, my parents, my family. Never again do I ever want to have to re live the feeling of loosing someone in my life in such a tragic way. Loosing a loved one naturally is hard enough, but I think loosing a loved one so tragically is even harder, for me it is. After Sue's sudden death, I spent a lot of time alone, I just wanted to be alone with my thought's and grief. I wanted to try to remember my sister, I drove around for hours listening to my sisters favorite tape. Stopping along the way just to sit and cry. Now I find myself listening to her favorite song, or her favorite tape, and also listening to someone play the flute or piccolo. My sister played the flute and piccolo, she was so good with her music. Every time I hear a flute or piccolo, I think of my sister. I can't remember what her voice sounded like anymore, and I want to remember, I never wanted to forget what her voice sounded like, but sadly I have. I get out the few pictures I have of my sister, and look at them, while listening to the music she liked. Sue hated her picture being taken, so I don't have very many pictures of her. But this is how I have learned to cope. Some people may think it's wrong how I'm coping, but this is my way, and I will do it my way! No one can tell me how I'm suppose to remember my sister, or how to grieve my loss. I hate it when people tell me they know how I feel, they don't, because they are not me! They did not loose Sue as their sister, I did! I don't know how my parents feel, Sue was their child, and I hope I never have to know that feeling, let me rephrase, I hope I never have to know the feeling of loosing a child. No one but my parents will ever know what it was like to loose Sue; as Sue was their child they were her only parents, and only they know how they are feeling. I don't even know how Larry is feeling, as Leslie was Larry's brother, Larry grew up with Leslie. Larry and I both understand what it feels like to loose a sibling, however, we can never know exactly how each other feels. So when people tell me "I know how you feel", I just want to say, NO you don't know how I feel, Sue was my sister!" I think the only person who can come close to knowing how I feel is Glenda, Sue's very dear and best friend, as they were as close as sisters can be, and those two were in fact like sisters.
Back in 1978 when my sister was killed, the hospitals called the house of the victims, and told them their loved one had been in a car accident (crash would be a better word) and they needed to come to the hospital. So when my parents received that call on July 19, 1978, they tried finding me, I was out with friends partying, without a care in the world. Anyway, when they couldn't find me, they called their very dear friend Doris Wheeler, and let her know what was going on. Later that evening I went by Doris' house, because I knew my sister would be going over to visit her after work. Sue had planned on seeing Doris before returning to college, and I knew she was going to go by there this night. When I got there Doris was not home and there was no sign of Sue, only Doris' son Ronnie, he wouldn't tell me anything, he was very persistent that I stay there until his Mom got home, I even asked him if Sue was with his Mom, he wouldn't answer, he knew what had happened. Doris got home, told me that my parents called and that Sue had been in a car accident, and that my parents had gone to St. Luke's Hospital in St. Louis County. Doris and I left immediately and drove to the hospital. Once we got there, we couldn't get any information from anyone at first, and I couldn't find my parents there. Next is still a blur to me, I guess when I found out my loving sister had died I went into shock. Doris would later share with me what had transpired at the hospital. She told me after I refused to go into a little room they wanted us to go into the nurse, finally told me my sister had died. Doris said, I grabbed hold of the guy, pulling him almost over the nurses counter, telling him to bring my sister back, that she was the only sister I had and I wanted him to bring her back. I do remember the ride back to my house with my parents friend Doris, it seemed like I just couldn't get home fast enough to be with my parents. Once I got home, the look's I seen on my Mom & Dad's face is a look, I pray I never ever have to see again. Never in my life have I ever seen them look so sad and hurt. I realized at that moment, that our family was not under a "protective glass dome"; which I had always thought that something like this would nor could ever happen to our loving and very close family. My Dad had to identify my sister's body at the hospital morgue. Dad to this day still has a hard time struggling with this. I can't even imagine what it was or must have been like for him to see my sister like this. Most of our family was over at the next several day's. It seemed the house stayed so full of people, however, after a while, I wanted to just be alone with my memories of Sue. I still to this day fear that my family will receive another call telling us we've lost yet another precious family member.
When my sister Sue died, some of my family kept telling me I had to be strong for my family, so I thought that was what I should do. I felt like I couldn't grieve her death, because some of my family was telling me how strong I needed to be. I've since learned that, that was very wrong for anyone to tell me this. I needed to grieve too, no Sue wasn't my daughter, but she was my sister, and I needed to be able to grieve as well. I still grieve to this day, and I always will, because I miss Sue so very much.
The one thing I've learned thru our tragic loss's is just how stupid some people can be! I totally detest people who act like they were so close to our loved one's we've lost as a means to gain attention for themselves! Just because we are grieving doesn't mean we have lost our minds or memories! For now, I will cherish my memories of Sue, I will continue to hold her very close in my heart and look towards the time that Heavenly Father will reunite me with my sister. I cherish my family here on earth, and I do feel very blessed to have my husband Larry, son Billy, parents, and many other wonderful family members and very dear friends.
Larry still struggles with the loss of his brother Leslie. He has a lot of fond memories to hold onto, however, it's not the same as having your brother here adding to your memories of him each year. When Larry wrote his impact statement for the courts in memory of his brother, that's when it really hit him hard. Going to California, and attending the wake and the funeral was very hard on Larry as well, but he felt he needed to keep his composure for the family. Of course he was grieving, however, he hid his grief and tried to help other family members. There are day's when Larry is very quiet and all, and I know he's thinking of his brother and just wants to have his memories and thoughts for that time, which he is entitled to. At times Larry still tears up when he looks at Leslie's pictures, and I know he's hurting and wanting his brother to still be here. It's important to let Larry grieve in his own way, and to allow him to grieve.
After we received the phone call from Larry's Mom early June 24, 2001, telling us that Leslie was killed in a car accident last night (June 23, 2001), Larry spent quite a bit of time alone in the bathroom, and I didn't bother him, he needed this time. Afterwards, he tried to be strong for me, this was Larry's brother, and he's trying so hard to be strong for me! I guess men think they have to be strong. We both went to work the following week awaiting the funeral arrangements before requesting time off work. Larry's employer was so good to him, which helped so much, my employer AT&T on the other hand was not, my employer felt that I should not have taken time off for the funeral, thank goodness Larry's employer is much more caring! The following day's waiting to go out to California and be with the family were very hard on Larry. Larry became somewhat withdrawn and quite, more so than usual. However, I knew this was his way of handling his grief, and his way of remembering his brother. We gathered all the pictures we had here of Leslie and made sure they were packed for the trip. It was just very important to us both that we take the pictures and get copies of them all for Larry's parents and Leslies daughter Jamie. This seemed to help Larry deal with the sudden shock of the loss of his brother. He was able to look at the photo's and remember the good times associated with each and every photo. We also read thru every email and chat that we had saved that we had with Leslie. It's still so hard today to realize that Leslie has gone onto Heaven. Larry still has his moments of silence where he wants to think about Leslie and remember and cherish all the fond memories he has of Leslie. Larry at times punishes himself for going into the Air Force and not being around the family everyday for almost 21 years. He thinks the time away from the family created a distance "wedge" and regrets at times that he has 21 years of no memories with his family, he is so hard on himself, and fails to realize that at the time the Air Force was his career, and not all careers keep you close to home with your family. Although he knows his brother Leslie was very proud of him for his military career, he just sees the lost memories that could have been during that time. I guess fate played a bigger hand than we thought when we went out to California in 1999, and he was able to spend a great deal time with his brother Leslie. Larry cherishes those memories so much. Memories are all he has now of his brother.
After this type of loss we've both suffered thru, there is no such thing as Just Getting on With your Life. Part of your life end's when you loose a loved one. We become a little different, because a part of us died when our loved one's died.
Larry and I both are trying to get involved and active in MADD, as a result of Sue's & Leslie's death. We both feel very strongly against drinking and driving, or doing any type of substance abuse and driving. And YES, even if we saw another family member trying to drive after drinking, we would report them to the police if we were unable to get the keys from them! No family should ever have to suffer the way our families have had to! It's just uncalled for!
I normally don't put Wav files on the webpages, however, the wav your listening to is quite appropriate for this page. "I Can't Cry Hard Enough" written by The Williams Brothers
